Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Sorry I've been gone. I have been very sick. I have tried to not complain, I have tried to look for the positive, but I can't anymore. I am miserable and in more pain each day than I thought imaginable. As I sat here getting ready to type I was throwing up apples and blood into a bowl. This bowl never leaves my side these days. Sorry if that's gross. I'm tired of sugar coating things. I've been to the ER twice in a matter of days, gotten very dehydrated several times. Eating has become near impossible. Even simple tasks like showering exhaust me greatly. Some days I don't get out of bed all day. Don't get me wrong, I am more than thrilled to be having a baby. But 32 weeks seems too far away and I have to constantly remind myself that I'm having one or I start to regret ever doing this. I'm sorry for my negative attitude. I am constantly apologizing to those around me for being this way, I thought I could be stronger. But being a shell, a weak and empty and pain ridden shell of who I am, is taking a toll on me. Hopefully I will return sooner rather than later, because this is extremely depressing. I do not write this to gain sympathy, but prayers would be appreciated. Please. Any strength I can gain from anyone is much appreciated. Again, I'm sorry. I'm really trying to be strong.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Ok I know the last post was super short, and this one won't be much better. However, i. am. exhausted. So it might be a while before I get back to posting regularly. There are a lot of things I want to blog about but I am just too tired. So for now I'll just leave you with the details of this pregnancy since I didn't give any before. Well, there was this one night....just kidding. Not those details! I always knew I would want to have kids pretty soon after getting married but I thought like 6, 7 months maybe. However, I started getting the feeling we should expand our little family only about 2 weeks into being married! Even I thought that was a little soon so I tried to ignore it. But the feeling only got stronger so I brought it up to Mr. Holmstrom who, although a little hesitantly, said he had been thinking about it too. At about 3 weeks into being married we took it to the Big Guy and sure enough we both felt we should start trying. About a month later Mr. Holmstrom started to doubt and brought his concerns and fears up to me. So we took it to the Big Guy again, and again, and again. And while my assured feeling never left, he just wasn't feeling anything. After a few days he came to me and said that he knew he needed to trust me and he felt that was his answer, to trust in the faith of his spouse. We both felt good about it and went forward with the plan and then I kind of forgot about it. I mean having a baby was always on my mind but I hadn't gotten pregnant yet and was coming up on another period so I figured it would still be at least another month. I happened to have a pregnancy test in the bathroom from a time previously I thought I was but wasn't, and last Wednesday just woke up and decided to take it. No idea why, considering I was sure I was about to start in a few days, but the thought just popped into my head to take it so I did. So I took it and set it on the counter, not even paying attention to it because I was sure I wasn't, then I glanced down and saw it. Pregnant. Excuse me? What?! No, this has to be wrong. I stared at it for a few minutes then went in to talk to Albert. He was sick and happened to be home in bed. I walked in and told him I took one and it said pregnant and he popped up straight in bed and said What?? I started laughing and told him not to get his hopes up, I wanted to take a few more tests first. (At this point, my heart was racing and I was shaking because my boobs had been, and still are!, for days and that was not normal, so I thought it might be true). So I got ready for work, went to the store and bought another test and took it at work. Positive. I still was not convinced so I took 2 more throughout the day. 4 for 4. I called the obgyn and asked to come in and get a test done because I still was not believing it, and she said they go off the urine test so if I took that many they consider me pregnant. Holy cow! I'm pregnant! That's all I thought all day. That night we went to my parents and everyone happened to be there so we told them all. Everyone's different reactions were hysterical. My mom dropped to her knees on the floor and just stared at me for a few minutes, mouth open, while everyone else was screaming. Needless to say once she got over the shock and stopped crying, she was ecstatic. Good crying, not bad. She went out the very next day and spent a boatload on fabric and started a baby quilt! 9 months mom, you can slow down. Anyway, I intended this to be short, sorry. All weekend it was hard for me to believe, even though I told anyone who would listen. But yesterday morning was great because I went to my delivery doctor and had to take a urine test so I could get a letter saying I'm preggo for my insurance. It was just such a comfort to get the confirmation from a doctor that I am indeed pregnant! I'm going to be a mom! And little Baby Holmstrom is due February 1, 2010!! Only 8 months away! Thankfully, I have not been sick at all. Yet. I'm really hoping I do not get too sick. My boobs hurt like the dickens, I can't even sleep on my stomach, and I feel some soreness in my belly occasionally from my uterus expanding, but besides that I'm good. However, as I mentioned above, I am exhausted. Beyond exhausted. No matter how much I sleep I never feel rested or energized. I've heard this gets better after the first trimester but I hope it comes sooner than that. It's hard always feeling like I'm about to fall asleep. Words can not express how excited we are for this little bundle to come into our lives. I know Mr. Holmstrom will be a terrific father just like he is a terrific husband! I can't wait to introduce our little baby to everyone! Thanks for all the love and excitement, we really can not wait!!