Sorry I've been gone. I have been very sick. I have tried to not complain, I have tried to look for the positive, but I can't anymore. I am miserable and in more pain each day than I thought imaginable. As I sat here getting ready to type I was throwing up apples and blood into a bowl. This bowl never leaves my side these days. Sorry if that's gross. I'm tired of sugar coating things. I've been to the ER twice in a matter of days, gotten very dehydrated several times. Eating has become near impossible. Even simple tasks like showering exhaust me greatly. Some days I don't get out of bed all day. Don't get me wrong, I am more than thrilled to be having a baby. But 32 weeks seems too far away and I have to constantly remind myself that I'm having one or I start to regret ever doing this. I'm sorry for my negative attitude. I am constantly apologizing to those around me for being this way, I thought I could be stronger. But being a shell, a weak and empty and pain ridden shell of who I am, is taking a toll on me. Hopefully I will return sooner rather than later, because this is extremely depressing. I do not write this to gain sympathy, but prayers would be appreciated. Please. Any strength I can gain from anyone is much appreciated. Again, I'm sorry. I'm really trying to be strong.
~Erica
3 years ago
6 comments:
Erica, Don't be so hard on yourself for not being stronger. It's okay to be negative when your life is so stinky right now. But I promise it will get better. Just hang in there. You remember when I had Cambria and look at her now!! Looking back, time goes by so fast even though time seems to be going soooo slowly for you right now. But I promise...YOU CAN ENDURE!! I think you are such an incredible person and this will only make you stronger (if it doesn't kill ya) Love, Christina
Erica,
Do not apologize one bit girl. I know EXACTLY how you feel! I was in and out of the Hospital with the IV's flowing! I lost 20lbs in the first 4 months, throwing up all day every day. I prayed EVERY night for hours that I would die! I know it SUCKS so bad. You don't have to be strong. It is HARD and thats ok. I know it seems so far away and time will go by slow. My mom told me to take it one day at a time, I told her I couldn't. So she said Just go one minute at a time. There were many days where I did just that. I would have to take one minute at a time. If I got through that minute, then I would try to get through the next. Im so sorry Erica. I will say a prayer for you. Soon you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and it will be so worth it!
love,
Angie + Matt
so, i just found your blog.
I don't even know what to say. It seems like words won't help any, but just know that you're doing this for your child, and even though I can't relate, I know it will be worth it in the end. I'm so so sorry, Erica. I've been missing you, and wondering where you have been lately..it seems like the LBC doesn't exist anymore. :( but, just know that your friends are thinking about you. I'll pray for you. If you need ANYTHING, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know.
love you,
Stefanie Salter
xoxo.
hey erica!!! i haven't had a chance to congratulate you guys yet! this is SO exciting!!! i'm so sorry you've been so sick. ): my sister-in-law is in the same boat & it's not fun. i'll be prayin for ya to feel better! hang in there girl! love you!
Just found your blog - sorry things have been so hard for you. Please let me know if I can help in ANY way. Send me your email and I can send you an invite to watch my kids grow up. monicarmcd@gmail.com = feel better.
xo Monica
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