Albica

Dictionary.com defines a miscarriage as: the expulsion of a fetus before it is viable, esp. between the third and seventh months of pregnancy; spontaneous abortion.

Babycenter.com defines a miscarriage as:  the loss of a pregnancy in the first 20 weeks.

It should say: a loss of a piece of you, a piece of your whole being, of who you are in the first 20 weeks.

To me, miscarriage means: a piece of your world crashing down as you stare at the ultrasound, trying to make sense of what you deep down know you're seeing, and trying to fill in the spaces of what they're not saying.

It means crying on a table while your husband holds your hand and tries to be strong, only to break down himself on the long drive home.

It means your family crying with you and not knowing what to say because really, nothing can be said to take this away.

It means constant tears, whether it be 3 pm or 3 am, because I don't really know what else to do but cry.

It means praying every five minutes and thanking Heavenly Father for the healthy 8 month old squirming in your arms.

It means tears as I shakily try to type this up.

It means really trying hard to summon the faith that you know you have somewhere to get through this.

It means, as My Albert said, another reason to look forward to the next life.


I miss you already, baby. Your dad and I were so excited for you. But I know this is all part of Heavenly Father's plan, and we'll see you again. Until then, I love you.

Many thanks in advance for all the love and support.