Looking Forward

Today... today should have been a hard day.

Today was my due date, for the baby we lost back in October.

Now I know due dates aren't always spot on,

but this means that sometime around now I would have another little baby in my arms.

Ten more tiny fingers and toes to love on.

Two more little cheeks to kiss on.

Another baby to steal my heart.

No one ever tells you about the complete and utter emptiness you feel after a miscarriage.

It's a dark, dark time.

I would think I was fine, and then it would wash over me stronger than the previous time and I'd find myself drowning in the sadness of it all.

But, if I know anything, it's that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.

And for this baby.

I know we'll see it again.

And with that knowledge, I have found peace in this.

I strive to stay positive, looking forward, toward the better things that lie ahead.

So today, we celebrated this baby.

We got some white balloons, and the whole family headed to the park to release them.

Little notes were written and attached,

even Ruby wrote a love note for her little brother/sister

My little family basked in the moment, knowing we would all be together again one day,

and then we released the balloons, and our sadness with them.

This was a day of celebration

We all watched as our love floated up with these balloons to meet our baby in the heavens

We watched until they turned into tiny white specks against a blue sky, and then disappeared, taking our love notes with them

Of course I had my moment of sadness, but it passed quickly and I was filled with an overflowing amount of love, hope, and trust that all is well

So I hugged my family, kissed my babe and baby, and smiled.

Because this was a celebration after all.

So what should have been a hard day, turned into a celebration of something beautiful, something so much bigger than all of us, and that is His plan.

We will see our baby again, and until that day, we love you baby.

So we'll continue looking forward, always to better things.

And it helps when you have something to look forward to....

Because did you notice? Were you paying attention?

No? Take a closer look....

16 week Baby Bump!



ALWAYS TO BETTER THINGS

Rookie Mistake

I just changed Ruby girl's diaper.

A nice, stinky one.

I got her all wiped down and changed, as quick as I could before she tried to flip over and get poop on the wall.

Then I picked her up and  began to playfully bounce her as we walked out of the room.

It was then that I realized,"why is your leg so wet and clammy?"

And then I realized that my hand was resting under her butt.

Her bare butt.

Yep, I totally forgot to put another diaper back on!

Ha. I got a good laugh out of it.

Silly me....

Big Bear

This is super late and a total catch up post, but it's worth catching up on.

Back in February we went to Big Bear California and stayed in a cabin with my family.

Besides Ruby and I both having mega colds,

it was a fabulous time!

It was super freezing and snowed the whole time!

Ruby experiencing her first snow fall! She was a little snow bunny in that outfit

Albert found this SWEET little snow suit in the back of the closet...

and it fit perfectly! I about died when I saw it on her!

It snowed so much several times that we literally got snowed in and it took several hours for my dad to shovel us out so we could go somewhere

Ruby didn't really know what to think about being pulled around

 But she did really like these goggles!

 It was a really fun, relaxing few days. We watched movie after movie, ate so much good food, slept more than I have in a long time, and a whole lot of snuggling!

I wish I had more pictures of the trip, like our sledding adventure when we found a sweet hill in someone's front yard and made ourselves at home with our sleds. It didn't end well for Rubes though...considering my sister had to literally pull her poor little body out of the snow after we flipped and my entire body landed on top of her and flattened her like a melted snowman! So, so sad :(

But besides that, a really succesful trip! 

Family Pictures

Everyone...I advise you all to breathe...we're all alive over here.

Whew.

I know you were all worried!

My computer is on it's way to meet it's maker...

and I don't mean Dell.

It's kicking the can and hardly lets me upload pictures without inducing an unhealthy amount of frustration and anger and it's all I can do to keep from chucking it into the wall.

And let's be honest...what's a post without pictures?

So I have a ton of posts to try and catch up on, and I have the best intentions for that to happen.

Key words: best intentions.

Moving on....

A few months ago, as an anniversary present to each other, we got our family pictures taken.

The super lovely, and I'm not just saying that, she's really a gem,

Connie was kind enough to squeeze us in before her big move to Kentucky.  

We could not be more in love with them!

I also could not be more in love with this little toothy grin

These are just a few of my favorites.

Really, they were all great.

I would upload them all...but remember....compy sucks.

These will always and forever be some of my favorite pictures.

I was so happy she could capture the emotions and love we have for our little girl!

Thank you Connie!