Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Looking Forward

Today... today should have been a hard day.
Today was my due date, for the baby we lost back in October.
Now I know due dates aren't always spot on,
but this means that sometime around now I would have another little baby in my arms.
Ten more tiny fingers and toes to love on.
Two more little cheeks to kiss on.
Another baby to steal my heart.

No one ever tells you about the complete and utter emptiness you feel after a miscarriage.
It's a dark, dark time.
I would think I was fine, and then it would wash over me stronger than the previous time and I'd find myself drowning in the sadness of it all.
But, if I know anything, it's that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.
And for this baby.

I know we'll see it again.
And with that knowledge, I have found peace in this.
I strive to stay positive, looking forward, toward the better things that lie ahead.

So today, we celebrated this baby.

We got some white balloons, and the whole family headed to the park to release them.


Little notes were written and attached,


even Ruby wrote a love note for her little brother/sister



My little family basked in the moment, knowing we would all be together again one day,
and then we released the balloons, and our sadness with them.
This was a day of celebration



We all watched as our love floated up with these balloons to meet our baby in the heavens



We watched until they turned into tiny white specks against a blue sky, and then disappeared, taking our love notes with them


Of course I had my moment of sadness, but it passed quickly and I was filled with an overflowing amount of love, hope, and trust that all is well


So I hugged my family, kissed my babe and baby, and smiled.
Because this was a celebration after all.


So what should have been a hard day, turned into a celebration of something beautiful, something so much bigger than all of us, and that is His plan.
We will see our baby again, and until that day, we love you baby.

So we'll continue looking forward, always to better things.

And it helps when you have something to look forward to....
Because did you notice? Were you paying attention?
No? Take a closer look....


16 week Baby Bump!

ALWAYS TO BETTER THINGS

8 comments:

ConnieB said...

What a sweet thing to do! I love this- and I'm so happy you have such a eternal perspective about all of it. You'll see him/her again!

ps you look great!!

Shawnda and Nathan Mills said...

Congrats Erica! Miscarriages are a dark thing to go through. I still think about mine from time to time. Im so happy for you and your family.

justin & mallory coffman said...

I love you girl!!!! xoxo

{love, mj.} said...

That is such a sweet idea releasing balloons to your baby in heaven. Love LOVE Love it. And yay for 16 weeks! I am SO happy for you!

becky+cade said...

so sweet. your little fam is adorable! so excited for your new little one!

Alexa Mae said...

This is amazing! So sad but so bright. You are glowing and so gorgeous. I am so happy for you and your adorable family.

Kelli said...

Congrats!!!!

The Candlands said...

I seriously love that you did this. We went to the temple the day I would have been due and all I could think of was Emma Smith and it actually helped!