I opened up my pictures this morning and discovered these:

I have no idea what camera they were taken with or why they're so fuzzy, but I'm kinda in love with them...these two melt my heart

Updated: they were taken with the webcam and right after I posted those pictures I discovered this gem: (when i uploaded it the sound got way off, but still cute nonetheless)

Yuletide Activities

The past several years haven't really felt Holidayish to me.I'm not sure what it is, maybe just getting older, or busier, but it feels like probably as far back as high school the holidays are suddenly over and I never really feel like I got into them. Now that Ruby is getting older it's getting easier because she gets excited for things. So besides watching "choo choo" (The Polar Express) oh, like 30 times in the last week alone, here are some things we've been doing.

Helping decorate my parent's tree. Even though Amber and I are married and living out of the house, they still do it on a night we can all be there to help. I love this tree

Then going to get our own tree! All bundled up in their cute new hats and Sophie loving it as you can see

 Ruby loved helping to put on all the ornaments

Ruby still loves when I plug it in and it gets all lit up. I love that this tree is full of ornaments from growing up, ornaments Albert and I have gotten together, and now the new tradition we're starting of getting a new box of ornaments every year. My family did that every year growing up, we'd go pick out a box every year and as we get married and move out we each get one from each year to put on our own trees. So all our trees still have a little bit of home :) Albert and I started that this year! Christmas will be small this year, but that's ok. We have our girls, each other, and plenty of other blessings. Oh, and leaving for a week long California/Disneyland trip the day after Christmas helps!

A Name and a Blessing

On Sunday, December 4th, we had the opportunity to bless our sweet baby girl in church. Albert's parents and two of his brothers came in from California for it and it was so great to catch up with them, seeing as we only get to see them a couple times a year. Last time we saw them they didn't even know I was pregnant! Albert gave Sophie a beautiful blessing and blessed her with some really special things that I'll always remember. I jotted them down also so I could put it in her baby book and hopefully she'll cherish that when she gets older.

After the blessing we had a luncheon/dinner at my parents with our family and some friends. Thanks to those who were able to make it on this special day!

Sophie's dress is so special to me. Ruby's was too, because she was blessed in my blessing dress, but Sophie's is from my Grammy and Papa. My sweet Papa Millican passed away on July 20th, when I was 28 weeks pregnant. The next day I went with my mom and Grammy to get new clothes for him to be buried in, and this dress was hanging there. I commented on how pretty it was, and my Grammy asked if her and Papa could please get it for Sophie. We knew Papa was with Sophie now, preparing her to come to earth. Grammy even put that in his obituary after she listed all the other grandkids, which meant a lot to me. So Sophie will know that her great Grammy and Papa got her blessing dress for her. Grammy still says everything is from her and Papa, which I think is so sweet. She looked so beautiful in it.

Sophie and Grammy

Ok...I promised details to come, not details to come soon. But seeing as Miss Sophie Bug is 7 (seven!) weeks old already, I better get to blogging. I have been wanting to tell her birth story, but again, seeing as she's seven (how did that happen?!) weeks old already and I have so much more to document, I'll make it brief.

-October 12, my due date, came and went. Much to my dismay.

-I had been at a 3 and 75% for 3 weeks but nothing was happening yet, so on Ocotober 15 I went grocery shopping with my mom and goofy golfing with my extended family that night. I was hoping the walking would put me into labor, but went to bed feeling nothing.

-I woke up at around 4:30 on the 16th, Sunday morning, to use the bathroom and couldn't fall back to sleep. I just laid there thinking and had a feeling I wouldn't be going to church that day and thought how badly I just wanted to hold my baby

-A little before 6 I started to say a prayer. I had a long talk with Heavenly Father about how I just couldn't do this anymore, emotionally, physically, I was just done. I prayed and said that if there was some great reason for her to not be here yet then I would wait, but if it was ok could he please let her come that day (I honestly said that day. I was desperate)

-I finished praying...and five minutes later had my first contraction

-From the very beginning they were consistent, and after a while I got up to see if changing positions would make them go away-really hoping this wasn't false labor!

-ate some cereal, started to shake and get really nauseous and they were coming every 5 minutes apart

-woke Albert up and told him I thought I was in labor and to please come out and be with me

-we watched a movie for a while and I thought I  better go shower and get ready if this was really it. This was just before 8 and I remember thinking "it's already been two hours, this is going fast! I can do this!:

-since we had planned and prepared to go natural I wanted to labor at home as long as possible

-I got in the shower and being upright made them start coming really close together. I immediately started to get sick in the shower and had to lean against the wall to get through the contractions. I told Albert it was going fast and had him call my parents to come get Ruby

-got out of the shower and made it to the bed, my parents got there and entertained Ruby

-I stayed sitting on the edge of the bed in my  towel for 45 minutes or so because every time I'd stand up it would get much more intense. Albert sat behind me and held me and we swayed through the contractions. Pushing the side of my face up to his seemed to help and just having him close to me got me through the contractions

-I finally put some clothes on and moved to the couch. Ruby was getting scared seeing I was in pain and started to cry so my dad took her and went to his house and my mom stayed there to be with me and Albert

-I don't know how long  I sat on the couch breathing through the contractions but I would guess 20 minutes or so.

-suddenly everything changed and I knew I was transitioning because I was getting no relief between contractions and the pressure was so intense. I really didn't want to go to the hospital too early though so I kept saying no to Albert and my mom telling me we should go (in hindsight, had we left earlier, she could have been here sooner. I was like holding her in)

-finally when the pressure was so intense I felt like I could push, I realized we needed to go, and fast!

-we quickly got out to the car and my mom followed us to the hospital. It's a 25 minute drive and Albert was going like 70 down Lindsay to get there!

-about halfway there things changed again and I realized that she was coming and coming now so I really had to try to relax my body and ignore the urge to push

-got to the hospital, pulled up to the ER and he runs in to get a wheelchair and gets me inside, leaving the car running but my mom parked it for us thankfully

-there were like 4 people waiting in line ahead of us and Albert is waiting all politely, not saying anything to anyone, so I say "Albert tell them she's coming now!" Thankfully a nurse heard me and says, "oh is she having a baby?" My response, "NOW!"

-A nurse wheels me upstairs, completely bypassing triage, and I realize we hadn't called our midwife back! Albert starts to call her but we round the corner and there she is waiting for us. Thank goodness!

-get into a room, get up onto the bed, Diane checks and says, "you're complete! Next contraction go ahead and push!" (music to my ears!)

-a contraction hits me, I push, my water breaks

-with each contraction I pushed with everything I had, and even some in between contractions. Basically the pressure was so intense I couldn't not push, except for when her head was halfway out I suddenly lost the urge and they told me to and I said I can't!

-I definitely felt the ring of fire people talk about. It's such an intense feeling it was almost like having an out of body experience, like I could feel it but I was also witnessing it happening at the same time

-I pushed for ten minutes, and when the pressure/pain got so intense I didn't know if I could take anymore, I pushed with every bit of energy I had and there she was!

The relief I felt in that moment was indescribable. Physical relief obviously, but also an extreme sense of emotional relief. She was here, I did it, and I didn't have to wait anymore! They immediately placed her on my chest and the first thing I said was, "I did it!" This was such a huge thing for me because I was so scared to go natural. I wanted it so bad, and had prepared so much for it, but was so afraid I would back out at the last minute. But here she was, I had done it! I remember looking at my mom at the foot of the bed, and looking up at Albert with tears in his eyes, and down at Sophie, and being so, so, so proud of us. We had created this perfect little baby, out of the pure love in our hearts, and we had just worked together to bring her here. He was with me every step of the way. Going through that with him made me love him so much more, and seeing him look at her still makes my heart swell.

What I loved about this whole natural process was all the bonding we got to do. I didn't get that with Ruby, they whisked her right off to the warmer and I didn't get to hold her until she was about 20 minutes old. Sophie was placed right on my chest, the nurses quickly finished up and left us alone, and I nursed her right away. It was pure bliss.

After I nursed her and they did her measurements, my parents and sisters came in and brought Ruby in. Except Ruby didn't walk in, this big girl who looked like Ruby walked in instead. Where did my baby go?! Introducing her to her new baby sister was such a special moment, and we were now a family of four!

So that wasn't as brief as I intended, but there is just so much to share. This was such an intimate experience for me, I can't imagine having babies any other way now. Feeling what my body was made for, what Heavenly Father created it for, to bring children to this earth, was such an incredible experience. As intense as it may have been, it was worth every ounce of pain.

Since having Sophie our lives have changed tremendously, but all for the better. Ruby just adores her, and Sophie is definitely her baby.

And Albert and I kinda like her too...

She's Here!

Sophie Ann Holmstrom

She came on October 16 (finally! 4 days late) at 10:10 AM

4 hours of labor, ten minutes of pushing

weighing in at 9 pounds, 2 ounces &

21 inches long! 

TONS of dark hair

Absolutely perfect!

We couldn't be more in love. Details to come, I promise!

Day for the Dads

Happy Father's Day to my two favorite men!

This handsome young man, who is the best example of what a husband and dad should be,

And this lad I call my own, who is my best friend, and an exceptional husband and daddy!

I'm pretty lucky to call them mine!

Oooohhhh, We're Halfway There

Oooohhhh, livin' on a prayer!

Sorry, just had to throw out a little Bon Jovi

Can you really start singing that song without finishing that line?

Me neither.

And besides, it's totally relevant....

because we are {almost} halfway through this pregnancy over here!

Like 3 more days or something til 20 weeks so...

I'm callin it, halfway through baby!

Sorry for the extreme lack of posts.

I give you exciting news and then drop off the face of the earth for almost a month.

We moved and no longer have internet access so I can only blog at my parents, and every time we go over I'm too lazy to cart my laptop over there.

But...I'm keeping in tradition and leaving you with more exciting news.

Wanna see the cutest little profile EVER?!

Is it just me, or does LITTLE MISS look like SHE'S from Whoville?

Cutest nose ever!

Yes! Come October we will be having another little girl join the family,

and we could not be more thrilled.

We knew it, just KNEW it!

Now if October just wasn't so far away.... 

Looking Forward

Today... today should have been a hard day.

Today was my due date, for the baby we lost back in October.

Now I know due dates aren't always spot on,

but this means that sometime around now I would have another little baby in my arms.

Ten more tiny fingers and toes to love on.

Two more little cheeks to kiss on.

Another baby to steal my heart.

No one ever tells you about the complete and utter emptiness you feel after a miscarriage.

It's a dark, dark time.

I would think I was fine, and then it would wash over me stronger than the previous time and I'd find myself drowning in the sadness of it all.

But, if I know anything, it's that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.

And for this baby.

I know we'll see it again.

And with that knowledge, I have found peace in this.

I strive to stay positive, looking forward, toward the better things that lie ahead.

So today, we celebrated this baby.

We got some white balloons, and the whole family headed to the park to release them.

Little notes were written and attached,

even Ruby wrote a love note for her little brother/sister

My little family basked in the moment, knowing we would all be together again one day,

and then we released the balloons, and our sadness with them.

This was a day of celebration

We all watched as our love floated up with these balloons to meet our baby in the heavens

We watched until they turned into tiny white specks against a blue sky, and then disappeared, taking our love notes with them

Of course I had my moment of sadness, but it passed quickly and I was filled with an overflowing amount of love, hope, and trust that all is well

So I hugged my family, kissed my babe and baby, and smiled.

Because this was a celebration after all.

So what should have been a hard day, turned into a celebration of something beautiful, something so much bigger than all of us, and that is His plan.

We will see our baby again, and until that day, we love you baby.

So we'll continue looking forward, always to better things.

And it helps when you have something to look forward to....

Because did you notice? Were you paying attention?

No? Take a closer look....

16 week Baby Bump!



ALWAYS TO BETTER THINGS

Rookie Mistake

I just changed Ruby girl's diaper.

A nice, stinky one.

I got her all wiped down and changed, as quick as I could before she tried to flip over and get poop on the wall.

Then I picked her up and  began to playfully bounce her as we walked out of the room.

It was then that I realized,"why is your leg so wet and clammy?"

And then I realized that my hand was resting under her butt.

Her bare butt.

Yep, I totally forgot to put another diaper back on!

Ha. I got a good laugh out of it.

Silly me....

Big Bear

This is super late and a total catch up post, but it's worth catching up on.

Back in February we went to Big Bear California and stayed in a cabin with my family.

Besides Ruby and I both having mega colds,

it was a fabulous time!

It was super freezing and snowed the whole time!

Ruby experiencing her first snow fall! She was a little snow bunny in that outfit

Albert found this SWEET little snow suit in the back of the closet...

and it fit perfectly! I about died when I saw it on her!

It snowed so much several times that we literally got snowed in and it took several hours for my dad to shovel us out so we could go somewhere

Ruby didn't really know what to think about being pulled around

 But she did really like these goggles!

 It was a really fun, relaxing few days. We watched movie after movie, ate so much good food, slept more than I have in a long time, and a whole lot of snuggling!

I wish I had more pictures of the trip, like our sledding adventure when we found a sweet hill in someone's front yard and made ourselves at home with our sleds. It didn't end well for Rubes though...considering my sister had to literally pull her poor little body out of the snow after we flipped and my entire body landed on top of her and flattened her like a melted snowman! So, so sad :(

But besides that, a really succesful trip! 

Family Pictures

Everyone...I advise you all to breathe...we're all alive over here.

Whew.

I know you were all worried!

My computer is on it's way to meet it's maker...

and I don't mean Dell.

It's kicking the can and hardly lets me upload pictures without inducing an unhealthy amount of frustration and anger and it's all I can do to keep from chucking it into the wall.

And let's be honest...what's a post without pictures?

So I have a ton of posts to try and catch up on, and I have the best intentions for that to happen.

Key words: best intentions.

Moving on....

A few months ago, as an anniversary present to each other, we got our family pictures taken.

The super lovely, and I'm not just saying that, she's really a gem,

Connie was kind enough to squeeze us in before her big move to Kentucky.  

We could not be more in love with them!

I also could not be more in love with this little toothy grin

These are just a few of my favorites.

Really, they were all great.

I would upload them all...but remember....compy sucks.

These will always and forever be some of my favorite pictures.

I was so happy she could capture the emotions and love we have for our little girl!

Thank you Connie!